On being in a rut

I am in such a rut!  I can’t seem to get motivated to do anything at all.  I have to give lab meeting tomorrow.  Hmph.  I have no coherent data.  Of course, having a coherent project might help that, but whatever.  I’m not bitter or anything. 

If I could get myself motivated to just DO something, anything, I think I would feel better.  Instead, I just keep sitting here, surfing the net, doing nothing worthwhile. 

I haven’t been sleeping well again.  This is a problem I have from time to time.  Probably a year ago I cut out almost all caffeine, and that helped.  For a while.  When I get stressed or even slightly depressed, the sleeping stops.  I think now it’s at least somewhat due to allergies.  Benadryl was good to me last night, but I still don’t feel rested because I haven’t been sleeping well for a couple of weeks now.

I know that if I could just get myself going again, if I could just manage to keep myself busy in lab, I would feel better.  I would likely start sleeping better.  Rationally, I know these things.  Practically, I can’t drag myself out of my chair.

Honestly, I think the only reason I manage to drag myself out of bed every day and even make it to lab is lots and lots of very gentle nudging from TM.  He loves his lab and his PI and his work.  And when I’m still in bed he comes and tells me “Wakey, wakey!” often enough that I eventually give in.  I’m very, very lucky to have him.

I know I need to get out of this rut.  I know it.  I know I need to fight against the clouds that are closing in.  I can’t give in and get taken over by my whiney, emotional side.  I have to fight it.  But I don’t wanna!  But I have to.  I must.  And I will try.  At least half-heartedly…