Still alive

Warning: whiny crap to follow...

I'm still here.  I've been feeling kind of run down.  I don't have any motivation.  I don't have any self-confidence.  I feel like I'm floundering.  I don't know what to do.  Like I said, I don't have any motivation to do anything, so I guess  it doesn't matter if I don't know what to do.  :(  July is not my favorite month.  At least there's been rain.  I like rain.  There's all these little things that should be making me happy that aren't.  And there's all these little things worrying me.  Maybe it's just hormonal.  That's what I'll tell myself.  Maybe that will make me feel better.  :-/ 

I have better posts coming soon, I promise.  At the very least, I should have a knitting post coming soon.  If I ever finish the damn blanket I'm working on.  It used to be "Mason's blanket".  Now it's "the damn blanket".  Can knitted baby blankets have bad vibes?  I sure hope not...

Hmm...writing this has been weirdly cathartic.  Now if I could just get myself to do some experiments, know for sure that my sister isn't pregnant and that my uncle's daughter wasn't in the hospital again, maybe those things would put me on the path towards feeling better.  

Conspiracy theory!!!

Pardon me while I have a conspiracy theory moment.  I posted a comment on HuffPo.  I can't seem to drag myself away no matter how much it jacks up my blood pressure.  So anyway, I posted this comment.  And then when I was looking at it again to double check a statistic for another comment, I realized the relevant part was gone.  The whole reason I posted the comment was no longer in there.  I copied and pasted an entire paragraph, and part of a sentence in the middle was gone.  So then I tried to reply to that comment, pasting in the relevant part, and my comment, which looked fine in preview, posted as a very, very truncated version, again, lopping off the relevant information.  DO NOT WANT!  So then I tried to post another comment where I just typed out the relevant statistics without copy/paste, and I got a message that the comment had already been posted and was awaiting moderation.  WTF???  

Methinks it'll be one of those days

I woke up feeling like absolute crap this morning.  My throat hurt and I was all stiff and achy.  The next time I woke up I felt like I was going to puke.  Despite the ginger tea, that feeling hasn't really subsided.  And then I got to work and learned that we had a boil water advisory.  Suuuure...it's probably nothing.  I only drank two or three glasses of water and brushed my teeth a couple of times.  I mean...there's got to be a better way to disseminate this kind of information.  Whatever.  I'm just going to keep sitting at my desk for a while.  I could stand to do some reading.  I could also stand to do some experiments.  Unfortunately, there will be no experiments until I screen mice.  And I just don't think I can do that right now.  The thought of puking in the big trash can in the mouse room makes me want to...well...you know...

Random bullets of...RANDOMNESS!!!

I feel like my brain has been in overdrive for a few days now.  Maybe it’s lack of sleep.  I have seriously 15 blog posts just circling inside my head and it’s starting to make me a little crazy.  Therefore, I present random bullets of total randomness!  (And it’s MY blog, so yes I CAN!)

• Crazy man is back.  And what a joy that’s been.  For the most part it’s been painless.  I dunno…maybe my tolerance for him has increased.  We’ll see how long that lasts. 
• Golden child is sitting here beside me typing away to someone (I’d guess golden girlfriend) on MSN messenger.  On the up side, at least I’m not having to be party to their disgusting morning conversation.  I’m sure there will be a post about this at some point.  And yes, conversation singular.  There is only one.  The same one.  Every day.
• Grants got submitted!  Woohoo!!!  I was actually pretty pleased with the short one, and I did manage to get it down under 5 pages.  Which actually was significantly aided by very helpful comments from Crazy Man.  Who knew?
• Time to develop my western. 

Part 2 coming soon.  Please, try to contain yourselves until then.  ;) 

Somebody save me!!!

A deluge of randomness (and no, you can't haz buletz!):

Who thought a 5 page grant was a good idea?  Why do I suck so bad at cutting things out?  Why is it so hot in here???  Why do I find it necessary to use multiple question marks sometimes?  Do I have anything to snack on?  Will somebody else please finish this stupid grant?  This shouldn't take too much longer, right?  Can I really cram all my preliminary data and the research plan into 2.5 pages?  

This isn't going to be pretty for a while longer.  Oh well.  Need to hammer something out so I can send it to Crazy Man.  Who knows...maybe he'll make some useful suggestions!

Cuteness!!!

The little calico kitten has learned how to climb a tree.  A little bit anyway.  I keep seeing her scurry up the little dogwood right outside the window and then halfway fall back down.  It makes me a happy to watch her.  I wonder if she actually is a she or not.  Anyway, I'm supposed to be working on this grant that's due next Tuesday, so I guess I should be doing that instead of blogging about my cute little kitten.  

Sad day

Warning:  This is a sad post.  Don't say you weren't warned.

We went to visit my mom this weekend.  We were supposed to be babysitting my cousin's boys (ages 2 years and almost 4 months).  For one night.  Which for them means all day, all night and all day the next day.  Of course, that's a little excessive, but we expect it and so we plan for.  Anyway, on Thursday, my cousin called my mom and asked if we would mind keeping them all weekend, because they wanted to go to the beach with my cousin's dad.  

I don't even know why they had kids...they just dump them off with somebody else all the time.  I cuddled the little one so much and played with the older one so much, and I didn't want to leave them when it was time for us to leave.  Even now many hours later I feel a little empty without my little wiggly worm.  My little Yertle the Turtle.  :(  I don't know how you can go off and leave your own babies with some random family member just about every single weekend.  I totally wish that I could kidnap them.  Even though they are a mess.  

Sadder...  When we got home this afternoon, one of the kittens that has been hanging around our house had been run over.  So we buried him/her.  Which made me extra sad because today is the one year anniversary of my dad's funeral.  Then TM was leaving to go to work and he ran over another one of the kittens.  Bless his heart...I'm not sure I've ever seen him so upset.  So we buried two kittens today.  :(

There are two more kittens and the mom still hanging around our house.  I'm not sure if the momma kitty belongs to someone.  I was looking at a feral cat spay/neuter program, which I'm contemplating for these kitties.  I just don't know.  I would consider taking in the kittens, but I don't think momma kitty will ever be okay indoors.  She's very skittish and I don't think she would adjust, especially since we already have Mr. Lou.  At any rate, the kittens are too young to do anything with just yet, so I guess I'll just keep feeding them for now and keeping an eye on them.  I'm hoping they'll start hanging out under our deck instead of under TM's truck.  

Good!  That was as cathartic as I was hoping it would be.  Having the kids this weekend was nice.  It kept my mom and I busy enough that the anniversary of my dad's death wasn't too difficult.  And now I've got the kitten thing off my chest and I feel better.  I feel better period.  More on that later!