On mentoring

In general, I think Crazy Man is a pretty good mentor. In general, he has a pretty good idea of how each of us operates. He usually knows when to push us and when to give us a pep talk or just say nothing at all. He also does an excellent job of helping us understand how to write and review both grants and papers, which I really appreciate (even though I think I’m the only one). He’s a little off his rocker sometimes, but aren’t we all?

I’ve been thinking about mentoring a lot the past few weeks, particularly with respect to the Ducklings. I realized that I’m not just training them. I’m not just teaching them the nuts and bolts of our systems and how to physically do the experiments our lab does. I’m also teaching them all kinds of intangible things that I don’t even realize.

This realization has pushed me to think more about being a mentor than a mentee. Both the Ducklings are struggling a bit right now, with both lab and non-lab issues. They’re both stressed because they’re dealing with their classes and their upcoming student seminar talks and qualifying exams. It’s a stressful time in their careers. And I don’t feel like either of them is coping particularly well.

Duckling 1 and I had a talk last week because she had basically convinced herself that she was completely incompetent and therefore couldn’t show any of her own data for her talk. Of course she’s not incompetent, and I hope I managed to convince her of that. Over the course of our conversation, it became clear that she felt like her recent lack of data production has been letting me down. ME! I was flabbergasted. I tried to reassure her that I haven’t even been close to upset with her, and that I appreciate the issues she’s been having aren’t her fault.

Needless to say, that was really an eye-opening conversation for me. My Ducklings look up to me. They see me as a role model. I’ll be honest. That freaks me out just a little. They also worry about my expectations of them, which had never occurred to me.

I talked for a long time with TM about some of the issues that this conversation raised, and I think I’m going to talk to Crazy Man some about it too. I think our situation gives both the Ducklings and me an opportunity to learn a lot. I have a lot to learn about mentoring and encouraging and the Ducklings are learning who they are and who they are becoming. Although it’s much more in my safety zone to just bury my head in the sand, I think it’s time for me to start putting myself out there a little bit. Project Feed the Ducklings begins now!

And we wonder why Crazy Man is crazy

I was the first one here this morning at 9:30. And at 5:45, I'm the only one still here. I'm also typically the only one that comes in on the weekends. Yet, the rest of the lab wonders why Crazy Man gets upset about work ethic. He always says the students here don't work nearly as hard as the students at our peer institutions. I'm beginning to think he may be right.

Thinking about seriously starting the post doc search

I’ve been thinking a lot about post docs lately. It’s beginning to be time for me to start seriously looking. I’ve been keeping a running list of people I may be interested in working with for quite a while now. People have come and gone from the list as I’ve met and liked/disliked them, as my interests have evolved, as I’ve decided there are some places I’m not willing to live, etc. I still feel like I’m really floundering though.

My graduate work (and my PhD) are in a fairly specialized sub-field. There are several different branches of my sub-field, but I’ve dabbled in the majority of them due to my project ADD. My primary interest, however, is signal transduction in my favorite cell type. Obviously, signaling occurs in all cell types and systems, so if I choose to go that direction, I have lots of options for post doc mentors.

However, I’m finding that my identity as a scientist is very much wrapped up in my sub-field. I could readily apply the vast majority of my skill set to basically any cell type in a number of organisms. In theory, I’m not opposed to going outside my sub-field for my post doc. In reality, seriously considering that makes me feel very uncomfortable.

I really do want to branch out for my post doc, though I’m coming to terms with the fact that I probably don’t want to leave my –ology. The problem with that is that work on my cell type and/or the type of disease models I use most often make up the biggest part of my sub-field, especially the bigger name people (several of which are at my university). I’m really struggling to find people outside of that that I think would be good fit for me.

I’ve identified a few new skills I’d like to acquire. I’ve identified one or two locations where I refuse to live. (Geography isn’t really an issue, as people working on –ology tend to be centered in about 5 locations in the US.) I’m open to a number of cell types and disease models. I may be open to moving outside of –ology. I’m still grappling with that question and all of the identity issues it seems to raise for me.

Now I suppose it’s time to start talking to people and figure out who should really be on my list.

Ugh!

I have been doing really well lately. I’ve had basically no depression and only very, very limited anxiety (and that even with situations that are normally MAJOR triggers). But today I’m down. I didn’t sleep well and my progesterone levels just tanked, so I’m just not doing so hot today. I almost cried when I realized I left my yogurt at home, even though that was an excellent excuse to go buy the scone I’ve been craving. Tomorrow will be better. I insist on it. I’ve also been mentally writing lots of (hopefully) interesting posts in my head, so hopefully I’ll have some real content back here soon. Now back to the wallowing that was already in progress…

Realization (of something I already knew…)

Sometimes it’s important to be reminded of things. Sometimes it’s most important to be reminded of things you already knew.

I actually dragged my sorry rump out of lab this afternoon to go to my program’s journal club. The paper being discussed was interesting (in principle), and it was from a lab where I’m interesting in doing a post doc. I also thought it was a good opportunity to work on my goal of being even a teensy bit more social.

At any rate, I was pretty excited about the paper. Actually sitting down and going through it though served to remind me that just because a group has a great reputation and just because the paper is in C/N/S doesn’t mean that the work is good. It doesn’t mean that the results are real or interesting or that the experiments were designed well or that the paper was even put together thoughtfully.

Actually making myself go to journal club reminded me of all that. It reminded me that given the right circumstances there’s a broad range of people that can publish in top tier journals. It also reminded me that publishing those types of paper or hailing from a lab with good name recognition and reputation doesn’t necessarily make you a great scientist.

Of course, I’ve known those things for a long time now, but sometimes it is good to be reminded.

Scoopage (and I don't mean ice cream)

We just got mega-scooped. An almost intact paper that Postdoc Guy left behind was just published basically figure for figure by another group with only the teeniest of differences. Hmph. Interestingly, the senior author was on the study section that reviewed the grant on this project. He was also the postdoc mentor of one of my committee members.

I’ve been giving Crazy Man a hard time about this paper ever since Postdoc Guy left. But nobody listens to me. It wasn’t my project, but I was an author because I did a few bits of data for it. In fact, it was in a system that I’ve been adamantly refusing to work on for years, maybe even the whole time I’ve been in grad school.

However (and there’s always a however)… I think I can rescue this paper. I’ve gradually been doing a little here and there with this system, despite my best efforts. And I have ideas! Crazy ideas, for experiments that I’m all poised to do. Crazy experiments that will be relatively easy to do, needed to be done anyway, and will really only mean adding an additional group to experiments that I was planning to do anyway!

Assuming these experiments go according to plan (snicker…when does that ever happen?), they would then become the bulk of the paper, it would be higher impact than it was before, and I would likely become first author. What are the chances this works?

Did you read the paper?

We just found out that GlamourMag manuscript was accepted! For the resubmission, they actually added an additional reviewer, purportedly to assess the validity of the mathematical arguments. Based on this reviewer’s comments, I told Crazy Man that I was fairly sure s/he hadn’t read the paper. At all.

At any rate, it was accepted, pending a few minor changes to address the final comments from the reviewers. Again, I really think this same reviewer didn’t even read the paper. This reviewer stated that it was important to point out that we argue that our system is better than previous systems for predicting biological function, but we didn’t include any functional data. And then I was like,


There’s a whole main figure that’s nothing but the correlation of our predictions with the actual functional data, and I believe there’s two supplementary figures that are also other measures of function. Which I know, because I DID ALL THE FUNCTIONAL ASSAYS. And the correlation of the prediction with the function is the whole point of the paper.

I sure am glad I don’t have to rebut those particular comments myself because I totally want to write to the editor and tell her to never, ever use this person as a reviewer again because they’re clearly a frickin’ idiot. Sheesh.