Validation

I think one of the most pleasant feelings is that of validation.  It's especially sweet when you've been contemplating something a lot, feeling frustrated, feeling misused and feeling like it's just not fair, and thinking you must be completely nuts for feeling those things.  And then to find out that there are thousands or more other people that feel just like you do.  Ahhhh.  It's almost a sense of relief.  I'm not crazy.  These are legitimate ways for me to be feeling about this.  Which raises the question, why did I not feel like my feelings were legitimate to begin with?  I think it's still too early for me to think about that too much.

In a related issue, why am I afraid to ask for support from TM, the one person on the planet (that isn't related to me) that loves and supports me more than anyone else?  There is a very simple thing I want to discuss.  It's not a huge ordeal.  Well, it could become one, but statistics say it won't be.  Why am I having such a hard time asking for his help on this one?  Why am I convinced that he thinks I'm crazy?  I think maybe I'll ask him to read the things that made me feel so validated first.  Maybe then he'll have a better idea of where I'm coming from.  Why am I second guessing myself on this so much?  Why do I keep feeling like he's going to think I'm a manipulative bitch?  I don't have any reason to think he'd respond to this in anything less than a totally positive manner, so why do I keep beating myself down?  I think I need a little more optimism in my life.

Jumping in, starting a conversation...maybe

I thought for sure I'd spend some time writing while TM was out of town.  That totally didn't happen.  I was lazy beyond belief.  But it was good for me.  

(Like this is anything new...)

I was thinking about baby stuff the other night and then again while I was flowing yesterday (the experiment from hell that didn't even tell me anything...grrrr!!!).  So I made a spreadsheet of things I considered essential costs related to having a baby.  Added everything up and sent it to TM.  Hopefully it won't freak him out too much!  It actually added up to way less than I expected.  We'll see how he reacts.  We're babysitting for some friends tonight, so maybe we can chat about things.  I'm told the children will be sleeping...

Well that was quick.  Eyeroll.  His reply was, "See, expensive!"  I'm going to go cry in my cell culture now.  :(